Ellen Jokes / Recent Jokes
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is-
TEACHER: No Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen... Always say, "I am".
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet".
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out." The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have more...
TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday? JACK: 7 years oldTEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday? JACK: 9 years oldTEACHER: That's impossible! JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today. TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is. MIKE: Here it is! TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Mike! !! TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? STUDENT: Yes sir. TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave? STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours. COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: No. COOL STUDENT: Good' cos I didn't do my homework. TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago. ALFRED: Me! !! TEACHER: Are you chewing gum? BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson. TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake. STUDENT: You can't fool me teacher! Snakes don't have feet! !! HYGIENE TEACHER: How do you prevent more...
SHORT JOKES.... WHY TEACHERS GO CRAZY...
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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George
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TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
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SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I'm Billy Anderson.
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TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you
to keep yours.
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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so more...
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres has a new line of sneakers "coming out"? They're called "dykeees". They have a longer than normal tongue and you can get them off with one finger!
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ellen!
Ellen who?
I've been through Ellen high water to get here! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ellen!
Ellen who?
Ellen-eed is love!