Elmer Jokes / Recent Jokes

FROM A FARM KID AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT.
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile.
Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. more...

Elmer fud saw an ad in the newspaper for a horse, so he looked up the address and went to the home of the dude who was selling the horse. When he got there, Elmer asked to see the horse so he could make sure he wanted it. So, the old man who was selling it took him to the barn and showed him the horse. "Can I see hoer hoofs?" asked Elmer, and the old man said sure as he lifted the right hoof. "Gwood!" he said and then asked " Can i see her gawwop?" By this time, the old man was getting annoyed as he lifted himself on to the back of the horse and took her for a little gallop. When he got back, the old man sighed as Elmer pleaded "May I see her twot?" The old man was so furious that he picked up Elmer Fud and shuvved his face right in her but and smeared it in his face.

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick
before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before
breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed
to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is
strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak
on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food,
but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on
coffee. Their food plus yours holds you until noon when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys more...

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for Old Man Minch a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a. m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things - no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed.

It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much. We go on “route marches, ” which, the more...

(Now at Camp Pendleton, San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)Dear Ma and Pa:I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you' til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't more...

Two residents of an old-age home, Elmer and Martha, are talking to each other Thursday night:
"So Elmer, what are you doing tomorrow night?"
"I'm going to go out with Emma."
"Why? You can go out with me."
"Emma is nice to me."
"I can be nice to you. Will you go out with me?" (Coyly for a 80-year old.)
"Welllll... I think I'll go out with Emma."
"What are you going to do?"
"We're going to go to the movies."
"Why go there with Emma? You can go out to the movies with me."
"Welllll... I think I'll go with Emma."
"Why do you want to go to the movies only with Emma?"
"Well, she holds my penis."
(A slight pause while Martha thinks this over.)
"I can do that. Why don't you go out with me instead?"
"Welllll... I think I'll go with Emma."
"Why go out with her? What's she got that I don't more...