"Grandpa takes his date to the movies" joke

Two residents of an old-age home, Elmer and Martha, are talking to each other Thursday night:
"So Elmer, what are you doing tomorrow night?"
"I'm going to go out with Emma."
"Why? You can go out with me."
"Emma is nice to me."
"I can be nice to you. Will you go out with me?" (Coyly for a 80-year old.)
"Welllll... I think I'll go out with Emma."
"What are you going to do?"
"We're going to go to the movies."
"Why go there with Emma? You can go out to the movies with me."
"Welllll... I think I'll go with Emma."
"Why do you want to go to the movies only with Emma?"
"Well, she holds my penis."
(A slight pause while Martha thinks this over.)
"I can do that. Why don't you go out with me instead?"
"Welllll... I think I'll go with Emma."
"Why go out with her? What's she got that I don't have??"
"She's got Parkinson's Disease."

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...

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A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can more...

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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...

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A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.
"That fellow from close by will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the mares. I've hung a nail by the right stall so you'll know which one I want him to more...

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