Embarrassing Jokes / Recent Jokes

This was on the tonight show with Jay Leno............... Jay went into his audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. When the winner described her worst first date experience, there was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize.

Marilyn said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold. The guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going. there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or she would go on the front more...

A man entered a bar and ordered a drink. He took a sip of the drink, then promptly threw the remainder in the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began sobbing, "I'm so sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."
Rather than being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother has been treated by him and says he's as good as they come."
The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left.
A few months later, the man returned to the bar. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the man his drink.
"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the doctor twice a week." He then took a sip of his drink, more...

Can it get more embarrassing than this?
The following are two of the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest:
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee pee last night!" "The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter." Amy Richardson- Stafford, Virginia

Online dating is huge now. Everyone from EHarmony to Match.com have been benefitting from the surge in personals. But impersonal nature of online personals need a little clarifying. Below you'll find a guide to better enable yourself "Find That Special Someone"
Female
Beautiful Bulgarian girl = I need a green card
Beautiful Ukranian girl = I need a green card
Beautiful Romanian girl = I need a green card....possibly a gypsy
I love doing yoga and running with my dog = a really good lay
Athletic = No tits
Spends too much time at work / Work Hard = I'm cheating on you and we haven't even met
Beautiful = Pathological liar
Contagious Smile = Takes a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure = On medication / Frequent Psychiatric Visits
Feminist = Fat
Free spirit = Junkie / Hippie
Hopeless romantic = Wants a Ring
Friendship first = Former slut
Fun = Annoying
New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places
very goal oriented = She more...