Employment Jokes / Recent Jokes

To All Employees:-
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, it is necessary for us to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel, via retirement, by the end of the current fiscal year is effective immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Any employee who is SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for employment outside the company. SLAPPED employees may request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). Employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED have the right to file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under more...

ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: Procreation without recreation.
BOOKCASE: A piece of furniture used in America to house Bowling trophies and Elvis collectibles.
BULIMIA: Retched excess.
CHIC: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.
CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses.
CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.
DENTURES: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.
DNA: A complex organic molecule characterized as the building block of life and appropriately shaped like a spiral staircase to nowhere.
ERUDITE: Exhibiting a degree of book learning fatal to success in any business or romantic enterprise.
FIBER: Edible wood pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood more...

Dear Mr. Conners,
Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX

Dear Ms. Ezell:Thank you for your letter of July 17. After careful
consideration I regret to inform you that I am
unable to accept your refusal to offer me
employment with your firm. This year I have been
particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a
varied and promising field of corporate candidates
it is impossible for me to accept all refusals
for employment.Despite your company's outstanding qualifications
and previous experience in rejecting applicants,
I find that your rejection does not meet with my
needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate
employment with your firm immediately following
graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.Sincerely,
Marc Taylor

Baxter Conners
Vice President
Company 203
203 Wall St.
New York, NY 10015
Dear Mr. Conners,
Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your bank.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX

Baxter ConnersVice PresidentCompany 203203 Wall St.New York, NY 10015Dear Mr. Conners, Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your bank.This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Sincerely, XXXXXXXX