Ending Jokes / Recent Jokes
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.
God says the world is going to end, so he chooses three famous people to tell everyone. So, George Bush, Bill Gates, and Saddam Hussein come to see, him. God tells them that the world is going to end and tells them to tell their people. George Bush goes live on CNN and tells America, "Folks, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you were right all along, there is a God. The bad news is that he is ending the world." Saddam goes to tell all of his people of his encounter, "My people, I have some bad news and some worse news, the bad news is that those damn Americans were right all along, there is a God. The worse news is that he is ending the world." Then Bill Gates writes an e-mail to all of his friends and employees, "Hi people, Iv'e got some great news and even better news. The great news is that God thinks I am one of the most famous people on earth. The even better news is that we don't have to upgrade from Windows XP.
Did you hear the one about the alcoholic who was stranded on a desert island?
He found a bottle floating near the shore. When he opened it, out popped a genie; his salvation!
The genie said, "I'll grant you two wishes", to which the alcoholic replied quickly with his first wish, "I'd like a never ending bottle of whiskey." The genie immediately complies with his wishes and provides him a with never ending bottle. When asked what his second wish would be, the alcoholic replied, after careful consideration, "I'll have another never ending bottle of whiskey!"
UPRIGHT PLAYERS
* Showing up before first downbeat $25
* Playing audibly $25
* Faking changes $25
* Slapping $150
* Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
* Excessive sweating $25
* Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
* Asking leader for a solo $30
* Accepting solo when offered $50
* Taking second chorus $100
* Playing solo arco $400
* Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
* Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
* Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500
Two sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back
Up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.. They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again... During their fourth descent the pilot says: "look at those stupid americans, they build this huge expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", "i know" answers the second pilot, "but look how
Wide they made it...."