Engagement Jokes / Recent Jokes
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After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
The engagement
Nicki tells his mum that he has got engaged at last. His mother is happy but a little bit worried as well. She just has to ask him, "Is she Jewish?"
"Of course she is, mum. I`ll bring her to dinner this evening so you can meet her."
That night Nicki arrives with three beautiful women - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
"Mother I want you to guess who is my fiancé." says Nicki smiling.
But his mother is not pleased at all. All she wanted to do was to speak to her son’s fiancé one to one first without playing silly games. She doesn`t know where to start. She waits patiently and gives it some thought. When the meal is over, she calls Nicki into the kitchen.
"I know which one she is." She says.
"Which one, then, mum?" asks Nicki.
"The blonde"
"Yes, you`re right. How on earth did you guess?"
"I knew as soon as I saw her, I couldn`t stand the more...
MARRIAGE Dictionary
Bachelor: 1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3) A man who every morning comes to work from a different direction.
4) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
5) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
6) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
7) A selfish guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
8) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bridegroom: A gent who exchanges living quarters for a better half.
Cad: A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.
Childish game: One at which your spouse beats you.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would more...
Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. I thought it was love at first sight, said Julie. It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.
While attending an engagement party given by his friends, the young fellow boasted of his past sexual exploits. "You know," he declared, looking over the assembled guests, "I've slept with every girl here, with the exception of my sister and my fiancee."
"That's interesting," his friend responded dryly. "Between the two of us, we've had them all."
Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation:
"Would you marry someone who was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy and sarcastic?"
"Of course not," said a sympathetic friend.
"Well," retorted Frank, "neither would Jennifer."