Engineering Jokes / Recent Jokes

A physician, an engineer and a judge were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."

The judge smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"

A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest.
The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."
The lawyer smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"

A group from engineering and a group from marketing at a company decided to attend a conference together. They all needed to take a train to their destination. Each of the marketing people bought a ticket. All of the engineers got together and bought one ticket. The marketing people were convinced that the engineers would get thrown off the train. When the conductor came arround, all the engineers piled into the bathroom. The conductor knocked on the door asking for tickets, and they slid the one ticket out under the door, and the conductor continued on his way. On the way home, the marketing people figured they would use the same routine and purchased one ticket. The engineers did not purchase any tickets. The marketing people were again stunned. On the train, one of the engineers said here comes the conductor, and the marketing people quickly piled into the bathroom. One of the engineers walked up, knocked on the door, and announced he was the conductor, and the marketing group slid more...

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone more...

Q. Did you hear about the constipated civil engineer?
A. He worked it out with pencil and slide-rule!

Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.

Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.

Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.

Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.

Overtime pay? What overtime pay?

Managers, not engineers, rule the world.

Always try to fix the hardware with software.

If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.

Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.
Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."