Engineering Jokes / Recent Jokes
Major Technological Breakthrough - Back to the drawing board.
Developed after years of intensive research - It was discovered by accident.
Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforseen difficulties - We are working on something else.
The designs are well within allowable limits - We just made it, stretching a point or two.
Customer satisfaction is believed assured - We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all from us.
Close project coordination - We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this.
The design will be finalized in the next reporting period - We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.
A number of different approaches are being tried - We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.
Test results were extremely gratifying - It works, and are we surprised!
Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem - more...
You are an engineer... If buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. "That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV "And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3 Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do is it mining and engineering services? - BBC Radio 1 "Marling - unbeaten in her three victories." Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV: "Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets." James Hunt, BBC2 TV: "A church spire nestling among the trees...there's probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV
You are an engineer... If you introduce your wife as "[email protected]" or husband as "[email protected]"
You are an engineer... If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
SOFTWARE ENGINEERING GLOSSARY or DEFINING COMPUTER TERMS
FROM A "MARKETING" POINT OF VIEW
ALL NEW -- The software is not compatible with previous
versions.
ADVANCED DESIGN -- Upper management doesn't understand it.
BREAKTHROUGH -- It nearly booted on the first try.
NEW -- It comes in different colors from the previous
version.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY -- It was developed on a shoe-string
budget.
EXCLUSIVE -- We're the only ones who have the documentation.
FIELD TESTED -- Manufacturing doesn't have a test system.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION -- All parameters are hard coded.
FUTURISTIC -- It only runs on the next-generation
supercomputer.
HIGH ACCURACY -- All the directories compare.
IT'S HERE AT LAST -- We've released a 26-week project in 48
weeks.
MAINTENANCE FREE -- It's impossible to fix.
MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS -- It compiles without errors.
PERFORMANCE PROVEN -- It works through beta more...
1. Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using
this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this
exam for you.
2. History: Describe the history of the papacy from its originas to the
present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic,
religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and
Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.
3. Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and
given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system
has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the
problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
4. Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't
suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
5. Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginies are
storming the more...