England Jokes / Recent Jokes

President Bush is representing the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated state visit to England. Air Force One stops at a bright red carpet and the President strides to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses.
The coach proceeds through the streets of London en route to Buckingham Palace, the Queen and the President waving to the cheering throngs. Then suddenly the right rear horse produces a thunderous, cataclysmic fart that reverberates through the air and rattles the doors of the coach. Uncomfortable, the reaction of the two powerful figures is to focus their attentions elsewhere and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened. But, the Queen is the first to realize that ignoring what had just happened is ridiculous.
She explains, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
President more...

If King Kong came to England why would he live in the Tower of London? Because hes a beef-eater.

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time.""Ya, that will be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."The German replies, " ya."The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to more...

The Queen of England and the Pope were celebrating a public holiday in England one day, in front of a massive audience, when the Queen turned to the Pope and said, "You know, I can make all of the British in the crowd cheer and go wild by just waving my hand." The Pope looked at the Queen and asked for a demonstration. The Queen waved her hand at the people, and all of the Brits went crazy - cheering, shouting, and giving a standing ovation for her.

The Pope nodded, and said to the Queen, "Well, I can make all of the Irish in this crowd start cheering by just waving my hand as well." The Queen raised an eyebrow. "Alright," she said. "Prove it." The Pope said ok, and then slapped the Queen.

Well, if there's any truth to this study at all, then I should live to be 180 minimum!: )From the New England Journal of Medicine: Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out" declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby. Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and more...

What is common between between a 3 pin plug and the England football team?
They are both useless in Europe!

Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
Because they can't hold on to a lead!