Englishman Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says,' 'There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy.'' The Scot is not impressed and says,' 'That's nothing! In the Highlands every time you buy a drink the landlord buys you five.'' At this point the Englishman is fairly impressed. The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says' 'That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar shuts he takes you into a room and makes love to you.'' The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies' 'No, but my sister told me about it.''
A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...
An Englishman and Irishman apply for a job at MacDonalds, and the interviewer asks them to sit at a table and take a test.
After the test the interviewer announces that they both scored the same, but that he's giving the job to the Englishman.
When the Irishman complains, the interviewer explains that "the Englishman's answer to question 3 was' I don't know,' and your answer was' Neither do I'."
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, but then held it out over the beer and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!!"
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pubtogether. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Justas they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed ineach of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continueddrinking it as if nothing had happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking itover the pint, yelling... "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
An American. an Englishman and a Chinese man were all taking part in a quiz contest. One question asked them was to fill in a blank in a song title and then spell the word. The song title was 'Old Macdonald had a -'.
The American was first to answer - he said 'ranch', spelt R-A-N-C-H.
"Wrong" said the quiz master.
The Englishman answered next - he said 'estate', spelt E-S-T-A-T-E.
"Wrong" said the quiz master.
Then the Chinese man answered - he said 'farm'.
"Please spell it" said the quiz master.
"E - I - E - I - O"
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Newfie walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the foam. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Newfie too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEF!"