Englishman Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
together.
They each proceeded to buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were
about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed into each of
their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over
the beer and then started yelling "Spit it out, spit it out, you
bastard!"

Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.

ENGLISHMAN:
What is this?

CIRCUIT:
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.

ENGLISHMAN:
What is this?

CIRCUIT:
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks. ..

ENGLISHMAN:
What is that?

CIRCUIT:
Air India

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just
as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in
each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it
over the pint, yelling... "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pubtogether. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Justas they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed ineach of their pints.The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continueddrinking it as if nothing had happened.The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking itover the pint, yelling... "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

An Englishman, an Aussie and a Scotsman are sitting in a pub, quaffing a few
nut-brown ale. While they're sitting around blankly staring at their mugs,
three flies buzz down from the ceiling and lazily circle each drinker.
Suddenly "buzzzplooop," each fly does a kamakazi dive into a different glass.
The Englishman gives a disgusted look at his pint, dips the fly out with a
spoon, flicks it over his shoulder, and drains the glass.
The Aussie notices the fly as he puts the glass to his lips. With a quick puff
he blows the bug out in a cloud of foam, and tosses the beer down in one gulp.
They both look on amazed as the Scotsman carefully grasps the fly by its wings,
gently lifts it and shakes it off. Then he says to the fly in a quiet voice,
"There y'are now laddie, SPIT IT OOOOT!"
Ken.

There were three men: an Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy. They were having a competition to see which one could walk his dog over the desert without needing a drink.
So the Englishman sets off, but he only gets half way.
Then the Scotsman sets off, and he only gets half way too.
But the Chinise guy manages to get all the way across the desert.
The Englishman and the Scottsman asked him how he could possibly do that without any water?
"Me Chinese. Me not Silly, Me stick mouth round doggy's willy"

There were three men: an Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy. They were having a competition to see which one could walk his dog over the desert without needing a drink.So the Englishman sets off, but he only gets half way.Then the Scotsman sets off, and he only gets half way too.But the Chinise guy manages to get all the way across the desert.The Englishman and the Scottsman asked him how he could possibly do that without any water?"Me Chinese. Me not Silly, Me stick mouth round doggy's willy"