Error Jokes / Recent Jokes

THIS is a true story of a correspondence which went awry because of a typing error. The stenographer working in the physics department of the university applied for one month's leave. The head of the department agreed, and asked him to type out an application to the registrar asking for a substitute. Instead of using the word substitute, the steno put in the word prostitute. The boss signed the letter without reading it.

The registrar, who had scores to settle with the head of the department of physics, "decided to cash in on the error. He wrote back: "Please refer to your letter Do... dated... The commodity asked for by you is not readily available in the store of the University. You are advised to procure it from the market and forward the bill to the Administrative Officer."

Another clerk applying for leave sent the following to his boss: "My wife is unwell. As I am the only husband in the house, kindly grant me leave for the day."

586:
The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art:
Any computer you can`t afford.

Obsolete:
Any computer you own.

Microsecond:
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3:
Apple`s new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it`s three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error:
Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Hard Drive:
The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced "gooey"):
What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard:
The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse:
An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy:
The state of your more...

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. They're used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity. Here are 16 actual error messages from
Japan:

The Web site you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.

Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.

Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.

Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.

A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.

Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost more...

Thene new error messages is icluded in the new version of Windows: Vista
1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: "You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your
brain?"
10) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log off."
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad more...

1. THE PRINTER SHREDDER: This simple device can be added on to any printer, and will shred any document the comes out of it.

2. FAKE MOUSE: a fake mouse runs in a wheel that is connected to your computer. as the mouse spins slower/faster, your screen will become darker/lighter "yeah. I just installed it. It really saves on power costs."

3. AUTO BAD SPELLER: This program can take any document, randomly choose correctly spelled world and then spell them incorrectly.

4. TALKING COMPUTER: This simple program, when put on someone's computer, whispers "psst! Hey Bob!" at random intervals.

5. SMOKER: This simple add on makes a monitor smoke. The amount of smoke will increase with the length of time the computer is used.

6. RANDOM ERROR: When installed, this will generate insensible error messages extremely often, no matter what they are doing at the time.

7. TRACER: This program will generate messages such more...

•WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger•WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet•WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file •WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong•WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused•WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive•WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware•WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments•WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened•WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full•WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB•WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More! •WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside•WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside•WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened•WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers•WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh? •WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try more...

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell.
The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error.
The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good byes as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down. They stopped to chat.
"Sorry about the mix up" says the Pope.
"No problem," replies Clinton.
"Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven."
Clinton asks, "Why's that?"
"Well, I've always wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."
President Clinton replies, "Sorry, but you're a day late".