Escape Jokes / Recent Jokes
To Whom It May Concern
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult in
order to accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old.
The tax base is lower. I want to be six again. I want to go to
McDonald's and think it's the best place in the world to eat. I
want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make waves with
rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money' cause you can
eat them. I want to play kickball during recess and stay up on
Christmas Eve waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof. I
long for the days when life was simple. When all you knew were
your colors, the addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but
it didn't bother you because you didn't know what you didn't know,
and you didn't care.
I want to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym, and field
trips. I want to be happy because I don't know what should make
me upset. I want to think the world more...
During the Japanese Occupation, 3 Singaporeans, Ah Meng, Ah Seng and Ah Beng were caught for smuggling. They were sentenced to death by firing squad. That night, Ah Meng came up with a plan. He told the others that the Japanese were afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape in the confusion. The next morning, Ah Meng was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and the Captain commanded, "Ready.. Aim..", but before he could complete, Ah Meng shouted, " Earthquake!! Earthquake!" The Japanese soldiers panicked and Ah Meng made his escape. Later, the soldiers took Ah Seng out and the firing squad were ready. The captain commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Ah Seng shouted. " Flood! Flood!!" Again, the Japanese soldiers panicked and this time, Ah Seng made his escape. Observing all this, Ah Beng began to get the idea. "It's important to get the timing right." Soon, it was Ah Beng's turn. "Timing, more...
A hillbilly was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks. After serving about 12 years he is notified that his Uncle Joe from Chicago has died and left him over $100, 000. The hillbilly was so happy when the warden said he would put it in trust untll he was released.
The warden asked him if there was anything he wanted to buy before tying the money up. The Hillbilly said he had read a lot about computers and wanted a computer. The warden said "sure" and got him a computer. A brand new Compaq computer. After a few weeks the warden visitied him in his cell to see how he was doing. To his amazement he saw the computer smashed on the floor.
The warden asked the Hillbilly what happened. The Hillbilly said it didn't work right and he got mad. He said it would not even complete the simplest task.
The warden asked him what he wanted the computer to do. The Hillbilly said he just wanted one thing from the computer. One simple task and it could not more...
Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confonted by a policeman. "Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?", asked the policeman. Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said "no, I'm Mark, Mark Spencer", "The second followed his lead and said "My names is William, W H Smith". The third said "My name is Ken... Tucky Fried Chicken"
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a frontal lobotomy.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two cases of Prozac.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three stays at the
"hospital".
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four group sessions.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, five self help books.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, six restraining orders.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven counts of
harassment.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eight cries for help.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine attempts to escape.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten ripped off
fingernails.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eleven body pieces.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love more...
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord...
1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of more...