Especially Jokes / Recent Jokes
BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...
LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
GOING FOR WALKS: more...
An English woman, while in Switzerland, looked at several rooms in a large apartment house. She told
the schoolmaster who owned the house that she would let him know about renting one of the rooms
later. However, after she arrived back at her hotel, the thought occurred to her that she had not
asked about the water closet (bathroom). She immediately wrote a note to the schoolmaster asking
about the "W. C., "being too bashful to write out the words "water closet." The Swiss schoolmaster,
who was far from being an expert in English, did not know what the initials "W. C." meant. He asked
the parish priest, and together they decided that it meant Wayside Chapel. The schoolmaster then wrote
the following letter to the very surprised woman.
Dear Madame,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the W. C. is located seven miles from the house
in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. It is capable of more...
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they
go flying by.
My fellow Armenians,
As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I
think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a
fresh, bipolar approach.
I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city,
and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it Americans
have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need
ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes.
Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie
higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their
family on the table.
That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record
is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets in Laredo".
(Music break)
A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his
baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't
believe a president should be choosing more...
KISS UP TO HIS MOTHER! This is one of the most important rules to dating a Korean man. His mother influences his life in a very real way, so be nice to her. Or else she can make your life an eternal hell (no joking about this one). Try to be thin. Almost every American woman that lives in Korea is FAT and UGLY. Sorry girls but you are. So try to stay as much as you can from this stereotype. Go the 2002 World Cup with your face painted like the Korean flag. Play games. If you know how great but if you don't LEARN. Starcraft, Broodwar, Lineage, PUMP and DDR. This is in order not to embarrass him at the arcade, if you do he will secretly resent you for the rest of his life. Besides you might really enjoy Half-Life. Make fun of Japan OFTEN Talk about how superior Tae Kwon Do is to every other martial art. LOVE HIS CAR. It doesn't matter if it is a Porsche, or a fixed up Honda, you must to at least pretend that there isn't a funny smell coming from the seats. Flattery really works. Learn more...
[Royters: Dateline Washington]
Joe Motzeratz Reporting
Justice Department Siege Section's Helicopters & Tanks Rolling Towards Redmond
With the clock ticking ever closer to the deadline imposed by the Justice Department and the leaders of the Redmond WA based cult promising a fight to the end, Attorney General Janet Reno has informed the Justice Department's Siege Section to start the helicopters and tanks rolling towards Microsoft's campus in Redmond Washington; as well as cutting off the avenues of escape for Cult Leader Gates to his fortified redoubt on the lake, known as "C:/"..
Attorney General Reno stated that with such a formidable foe as Microsoft, and their response to her edict, that it would have to be a Take No Prisoners operation as the threat to the community at large is even more egregious than the mentally troubled widow in Illinois, and a much greater threat than the situation that first propelled her to prominence.
Apparently, more...
On AppearanceExcessive use of perfume makes a woman less desirable. Perfumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers, and other substances that are put into some medium that is strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often ambergris...a secretion from the intestines of the sperm whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers or herbs.Cleanliness is especially important. If a woman uses enough soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable for her male.T-shirts are great. It doesn't take much male imagination to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over your head.Food particles between the teeth, especially the front teeth, are highly undesirable.On DatingIf you need to pass gas (fart), excuse yourself from his presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors. If you need to pass gas, face him..If you must more...