Esther Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Ourengines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I amunable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never berescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if notfor the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely onthe island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, didwe pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" No Morris!" she responded.Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?" "Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this more...
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying tothe Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some verybad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this planewill be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island belowus that should be able to accommodate our landing. This islandappears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. Sothe odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to liveon the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of ourlives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we payour pledge to the Yeshiva yet?""No Morris!" she responded.Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?""Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!"Now Morris laughs."One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this more...
The last request
Rabbi Cohen was saying his goodbyes to his congregation after his Sabbath service, as he always does, when Esther Glickman came up to him in tears.
"What`s bothering you so, dear?" inquired Rabbi Cohen.
"Oh, Rabbi, I`ve got terrible news," replied Esther.
"Well what is it, Esther?"
"Well, my husband, passed away last night, Rabbi."
"Oh, Esther", said the Rabbi, "That`s terrible. Tell me Esther, did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did Rabbi," replied Esther.
"What did he ask, Esther?"
Esther replied, "He said, `Please, please Esther, put down the gun...`
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5, 000 PBS pledge check yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you more...
Phrase statements as questions. Instead of telling Ida she looks gorgeous, ask her, "How stunning do you have to look?"
Instead of answering questions definitely, answer with another question. When someone asks how you feel, answer, "How should I feel?"
Whenever possible, end questions with "or what?" This allows the other person to interject another question: "Has she grown up, or what?"; "Can you remember when she was just a baby, or what?" (About now, a spontaneous rendition of "Sunrise, Sunset" should be expected.)
Begin questions with "What?" Example: "What, my kishka's not good enough for you?"
Drop last word in sentence (which is typically a direct or indirect object): "What, do you want to get killed going alone? Ira will go with" (drop "you").
Move subject to end of sentences: "Is SHE getting heavy, that Esther?"
Use "that" as a more...
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Esther!
Esther who?
Esther anything I can do for you? Knock Knock
Who's there!
Esther!
Esther who?
Esther anything I can do for you!
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Ourengines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I amunable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never berescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if notfor the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely onthe island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, didwe pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" No Morris!" she responded. Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?" "Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this more...