Etiquette Jokes / Recent Jokes
Mughal emperors were sticklers about court etiquette. Places were assigned to courtiers according to rank and none besides princes of royal blood allowed a seat. When ordered to approach the throne, the first step forward had to be taken with the right foot and the person had to stop at a prescribed distance from the monarch. Even close relatives had to observe these rules.
Badauni records a transgression of etiquette by the daughty Bairam Khan, the seniormost of courtiers, while attending on Humayun. The emperor was being longwinded in his speech and the aged courtier, who was overcome with drowsiness, became inattentive. Humanyun spoke sharply,' Bairam Khan! We are speaking to you and you seem not to be listening to us.'
The old man roused himself and replied,' Yes, your Majesty, I am all ears. I am told that in the service of kings, watch should be kept over the eyes; among dervishes watch should be kept over the heart; and among men of learning, watch should be kept over more...
WEDDINGS
Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a nasty appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantihose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never more...
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Blow job etiquette (by a woman)
1 - First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2 - Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3 - I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4 - Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.
My ears are not handles.
5 - Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?
6 - I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.
7 - Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just you can't have sex right now.
8 - Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.
9 - If I have to pause to more...
Blowjob Etiquette For Men, From Women:
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I more...