Evangelist Jokes

There was this man who had a dog which he was attempting to train, but alas had very little success. He was on the verge of despair when he happened across a very charismatic evangelist. He unburdened his soul to him, and he promptly informed him to leave the dog with him, and he would have it trained in a jiffy.
The next day the man returns, and asks how the evangelist got on. The reply was positive, and the evangelist calls the dog to give a demonstration. Picking up a stick, he throws it and says, "Fetch."
Instantly the dog takes off, grabs the stick and returns. The evangelist says, "Drop" and the dog drops the stick at his feet.
"Roll over," and the dog rolls over. By this time the dog's owner is very excited, and asks if he can have a go.
"Sure," replies the evangelist.
"Heel," says the owner and the dog lifts one paw, places it on the man and says, "I command this sickness to leave you..."

Storming into the frontier saloon, the fervid temperance evangelist boomed: "Repent, you vile sinners! Drinking that noxious fluid will send you all to hell. Join with me-all of you who want to go to heaven stand on this side."
All but one drunk staggered to his side. To the holdout, the evangelist shouted: "Don't you want to go to heaven?"

"No, I don't," replied the drunk.

"You mean to tell me that you don't want to go to heaven when you die?" asked the astonished evangelist.

"Oh," the drunk replied, "when I die. I thought you were making up a load right now."

A Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest, and a TV evangelist were fishing
from a boat in the middle of a small lake. The priest realized that
he'd left his tackle box in his car, and, not wanting to disturb the
other two, got out of the boat and walked over the water to the shore,
got his gear, walked back, and started fishing.
An hour or so passed, and the bishop began to feel a little hungry.
His lunch was back in his car, though... So, he got out of the
boat, walked over the water, got his lunch, came back, and nibbled on
his sandwich.
The evangelist, not to be outdone, decided that he'd best go for a
walk, too. He mumbled something about going to the bathroom, stood
up, stepped over the side of the boat... and splashed into the lake.
The priest, chuckling, said to the bishop, "Think we should've told
him about those submerged rocks?" Said the bishop, "what rocks??"
- Michael.

Have faith and ye shall be healed!" intoned the evangelist at the revival meeting. A woman on crutches and a man came forward. The evangelist asked, "What is your name, my good woman?"
"I'm Mrs. Smith," she answered, "and I haven't been able to walk without crutches for twenty years."
"Well, Mrs. Smith," he said, "go behind that screen and pray."
Turning to the man, he asked, "Now, sir, what is your name?"
"My name ith Thamualth," he answered, "and I have alwayth thpoken with a lithp."
"All right, Mr. Samuals," the evangelist said, "go behind that screen with Mrs. Smith and pray." After several minutes had passed, the revivalist announced: "I think the time has come. Witness these miracles. Mrs. Smith, throw your left crutch over the screen." The audience gasped as it sailed over. "Mrs. Smith, throw your right crutch over the screen." more...