Eve Jokes / Recent Jokes

In reference to "Santa is a woman": Santa is a man.
It is precisely because Christmas is an "organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal" that Santa has to be a man. Delegation. .. that's the key. Just imagine if a woman was trying to delegate all of those tasks and obligations to her underlings. Christmas would be as ambiguous as the spring equinox. Nobody would know what day of the year we were going to celebrate it on.
It takes a man to organize a commercial event as huge as Christmas. What with the ads, the parades, the football, and (usually) the basketball, the sheer immensity of the task would overwhelm most females. We'd have to plan football schedules around lunch instead of the other way around. Or worse yet. .. there might not be any football at all. (Shudder) That's a scary thought.
If Santa was a female, the toys might never be delivered. It would take a she Santa until New Year's Eve to get dressed (for the third time) and out of the more...

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip. As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations. The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED. He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa--filled with rage--threw open the door. Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?"

What did Adam say to Eve? Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

Biblical Questions and Answers

Q. Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh`s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. David`s Triumph was heard throughout the land.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

Q. more...

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music.

Shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great. . everybody loves you. . I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play? ?

The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner. . and the trombone player says "Sure. . we'd love to. . Is it ok if we leave our stuff here? ?"

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden." Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian!"

Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah`s wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...