Everything Jokes / Recent Jokes
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.Now all I want is a girl with large breasts!
There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method: General Practitioners know nothing and do little. Surgeons know little and do everything. Internists know everything and do nothing. Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too late.
A swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with his life ingeneral. He felt as there was nothing waiting for him in this life.... .. until one day, in the breakfast table, he was reading the morning paper, when he saw an article, which would change his life. It said: "... Scientist's had found out, that somewhere in Africa, one could stillfind tribes of genuine cavemen, untouched by civilization. Only thingneeded was to find the correct cave and shout "Wohoo!!" and the tribe wouldanswer to this call." "This is it!" the swede thought. "This is what I've been waiting for! I'llsell everything I own, go to Africa, find these cavemen, and become richand famous!"And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts looking forthe tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no answer. No cavemen. Until one day, yet another cave, and another yell: "Juhuuu!!" And then heheard it! " WWOOOOUU WOOOOOO! !!! " more...
Five surgeons discuss who are the best patients to operate on.
"I like to see accountants on my operating table," The first surgeon says, "When you open them up, everything inside is neatly numbered.""Yeah," The second surgeon agrees, "But you should try electricians- everything inside them is colour coded.""No, I think librarians are the best," Says another, "Everything inside is in alphabetical order.""Well," The fourth says, "I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.""I think you are all wrong!" The last surgeon says, "The easiest patients to operate on, by far, are politicians- they have no guts, no brain, no heart and no spine!"
One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour."Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat"."No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time".So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy. "Everything's ok over here", Paddy said."Except you're cat. It's dead"!"oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy"!"What do you mean?", replied Paddy."Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree more...
A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping." Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "at our house, we have everything." "Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything." "We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day." "Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked." Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said "God, that's all we needed."
Written by a Viet Nam VetGOD BLESS AMERICA!"In Memory of The Twin Towers"Warning song to Osama bin Laden(the tune of Rawhide)The devil came from nowhereHe attacked us from the sky. He bloodied up our nationdidn't give a reason why. Now he's placed a spear in our eyesaid its done it Allahs nameSo God's coming lookin for himAnd he's got himself to blame. No more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to goFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow. You defiled the love of all mankind without a single thoughtAnd the world is coming for you now with everything its got. Just go hidin in your hillsYou'll be buried in your caves. You'll get what you've got comin nowFor being Satans slaves. You've woke the sleeping giantFrom his legendary sleepNow with open roar like lionsThere's one promise he will keepNo more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to goFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow. You've defiled the love of all mankind more...