Exact Jokes / Recent Jokes

Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."

Every Monday morning for years, at about 11:30 am, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time.One day the operator summed-up the nerve to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day, I have to blow the whistle at noon, so I call you to get the exact time."The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time, we've been setting our clock by your whistle.

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3. 40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender." Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7. 20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the more...

Having grown tired of people assuming she was dumb because of her blonde hair, Sue decided to have it dyed brown. Leaving the hairdresser's feeling very good about herself she decided to take a drive in the country. She saw a shepherd with his sheep and decided this was the perfect opportunity to test out her new look. Parking her car, she got out and approached the shepherd.
"May I have one of your sheep as a reward if I can correctly guess how many you have?" she asked.
Thinking she could never possibly guess the exact number, he agreed. Much to his surprise, Sue guessed 95, the exact number of sheep in his flock.
Winning the bet and feeling very proud of herself, Sue picked up her reward and was heading back to her car when she felt the shepherd tap her on the shoulder.
"Pardon me," the shepherd said, "but if I can guess your natural hair color, do you think I could have my dog back?"

You Know You're Addicted to Harry Potter When...
1.) You make a wand and try to use it.
2.) You call your least favorite teacher Snape.
3.) You call your favorite teacher Dumbledore.
4.) You wear robes to school or work.
5.) You make "floo powder", get in the fire, and try to go to your friends' house.
6.) You have read all the books more than four times.
7.) You've been bookstore at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book before all your friends.
8.) You've worn a Harry Potter costume in public.
9.) You have a crush on one of the Harry Potter characters.
10.) You've gotten at least one of your friends addicted to Harry Potter.
11.) You actually caught the "Wand Order" mistake before you heard/read about it.
12.) You are upset at the New York Times for creating a seperate childrens best seller list because of the Harry Potter books.
13.) Using clues in the book, you have attempted to find the exact more...

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits down, the bartender comes over, and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3. 40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says, "I'll have a beer," The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich. "That will be $7. 20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact more...

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer", and turns to the ostrich.
"What's yours?"
"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says, "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says, "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender.
"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch", says the man.
"Same for me", says the ostrich.
"That will be $7.20" says the bartender.
Once again more...