Exact Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta walks into a restaurant with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.
Banta says, "I'll have a burger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich.
"What's yours?"
"I'll have the same" says the ostrich.
A short time later, the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be Rs 146.50 please,"
Banta reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, Banta and his ostrich come again, and Banta says, "I'll have a burger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again Banta reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine, until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is sunday night, so I will have a chicken burger, baked potato and salad," says Banta.
"Same for me," says the more...

A man and an ostrich went into a bar. The man ordered a beer and the ostrich said, “I’ll have one too. ” The bartender said, “That’ll be $2. 50. ” The man put his hand in his pocket, came out with exact amount. The next day they came in again, the man ordered beer, the ostrich said, “Me too. ” The bartender said, ”That’ll be $2. 50. ” The man put his hand in his pocket and came out with exact amount and walked out. The next day they’re in yet again. The man said I’ll have a scotch. The ostrich said, “Me too. ” The bartender said, “That’ll be $8. 50. ” The man put his hand in his pocket, and out came the exact amount. The bartender asked, “How do you do that? Every time it’s the exact amount. ” The man said, “I found a bottle on the beach and a genie came out and said I could have what a wanted, so I told him I wished for all I could drink and have the right amount to pay for it. ” The bartender said, “Yeah, but what about the ostrich? more...

A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"
The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Fri.
"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."
"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95"
The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"
"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"

Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100. 00 bill. Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change." "Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?" "Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector." While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?" "Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked. Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher." "A what?" asked the collector." A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance." What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asked." Well just as the name implies, I stretch rectums." Jack more...

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again." The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change more...

(Long)
It was the funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining them. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening. I tell you-in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, more...