Examined Jokes / Recent Jokes
MASSIVE TUMOUR
In October 1991, surgeons at Stanford University Hospital removed an ovarian tumour weighing over 21 stone from a woman. It was the largest cyst ever detached from a human being. After the operation, the woman weighed 5 stone LESS than the tumour.
BABY CHICKEN
A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination, doctors found that the woman's labia were pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that they would grow into a baby.
INNER SKELETON
A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife, Brazil suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a foetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from more...
A man visits his doctor. "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my testicles has turned blue."
The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would die if they didn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?"
"Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the operation, he came back.
"Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other testicle has turned blue too."
Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant.
"Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. more...
A couple in their late sixties went to see a sex therapist. When the doctor asked what he could do for them, the man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
Although puzzled by the request, the doctor agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it. When the couple finished, the doctor examined them again and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32.
This continued for several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected at their age, get dressed, pay the doctor, and leave.
Finally, after nearly two months of this routine, the doctor asked, "Exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married, so we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we more...
A man visits his doctor. "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls has turned blue." The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would die if they didn't have his testicle removed. "Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?" "Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the operation, he came back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue too." Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant. "Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the operation. But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely more...
An extremely red-faced man stormed into the tiny shop on the corner of Lingot and Main. Pushing his way past the assorted browsers, he bore down on the sales counter like a Scud missile. The lone clerk regarded him with some trepidation.
"I want to speak to the manager," he demanded.
"I'm sorry Sir, Mr. Mowbray isn't in today. Is there anything I can help you with?"
"You're damn right there is," he sputtered, his anger gushing out like urine in a pub. He reached into his pants pocket, extracted a tattered wallet and slammed it down on the counter. "I bought this piece of shit here only two months ago and now look at it. It's falling apart. Forty-nine ninety-five it cost me! Forty-nine ninety-five," he added for more emphasis. "Can you believe that?" His face was getting redder.
The clerk wasn't sure what to say to him. She only hoped the top of his head stayed put. She picked up the wallet more...