Example Jokes / Recent Jokes

All booster, no payload. All crown, no filling. All foam, no beer. All hammer, no nail. All hat and no cattle. All he remembers about his middle name is the first letter. All his eggs in the same basket. All his learning curves look like Mount Everest. All icing, no cake. All lime and salt, no tequila. All missile, no warhead. All of his bytes are odd. All shot, no powder. All the lights don't shine in her marquee. All the personality of linoleum flooring / plasticene / putty / caulking / saran wrap / a bowl of oatmeal / a plastic spoon. All wax and no wick. Alphabetizes junk mail / T-shirts / canonical lists. Always in the right place, but at the wrong time. Always loses battles of wits because he's unarmed. Always needs to have jokes explained. Always sharpening his sleeping skills. An 8080 in a 68000 environment. An alligator. (All mouth, no ears.) An Apple //e on UUCP. An early example of the Peter Principle. An ego like a black hole. An example of how the dinosaurs survived for more...

WARNING FOR THE HUMOR IMPAIRED-THIS IS SATIRE
These are smilies :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
Use them liberally where indicated.
There has been a considerable call for a Creationist FAQ, which
doesn't seem to be forthcoming in any great hurry. In the interests
of facilitating matters I have decided to jump the gun and provide
a provisional Creationist FAQ. Regard this as a provisional effort;
I am not an expert in these matters and may have erred in a few small
details. Criticisms and suggestions for improvement are welcome.
Speculations on my private life will be met with dignified silence.
Q: What is the principle evidence for Creationism?
A: The Holy Bible, of course. After all, is it likely that the author
of the Universe would be mistaken about its age?
Q: But isn't the Bible religion and not science?
A: Truth is truth. It's a poor sort of science that ignores truth.
Q: But isn't there a lot of evidence for evolution?
A: Not more...

A great Soviet general was once asked by his adjutant, "Comrade General,
what is the meaning of Marxist dialectic?"
The general replied, "I will explain it to you with an example. A filthy
man is standing outside a bath house. Will he go in?"
"Of course," replied the adjutant.
"No, you're wrong," said the general. "A filthy man is filthy by his nature,
and will not go in to the bath house. Only clean men, knowing the virtues of
cleanliness, will bathe."
"I understand, comrade general."
"Now, let me give you another example. A filthy man is standing outside
a bath house. Will he go in?"
"Absolutely not," replied the adjutant immediately.
"You're wrong again," said the general. "Why should a filthy man not
enter a bath house? He is dirty, the bath house is there to enable him to
become clean, and he will use it."
"I think I more...

I thought I'd tack on a little humor. I've been far too quiet for far too long. This is really what the Mormons believe.
From the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...
I'd thought you'd enjoy this.
Mormon Instructions on avoiding Masturbation
From a Guide to Mormon Youth
"Guide to Self-Control: Overcoming Masturbation."
Enlist The Power Of Prayer
Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation.
Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.
When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell "Stop!" to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. Then recite a portion of the Bible or sing a hymn.
Exercise Vigorously
Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise, which reduce emotional tension and depression.
Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
Set Goals
Set a goal of abstinence. Begin with a day, then a more...