Example Jokes / Recent Jokes
The most widely used language in the world has neither
name nor dictionary. It crosses the bounds of all known
dialects. I have discovered that all women of all ages
are able to speak it, and am revealing what little I
know of it to menfolk everywhere.
This secret language is a strange combination of words,
intonations, faint eyebrow-lifting and well-placed
pauses by which women can even exchange insults in
such a manner that the male thinks they are
complimenting each other.
They can make the male believe that a woman they are
discussing is their bosom friend, when in reality,
they`re ripping her to shreds.
It`s also useful to them in awkward social situations.
For example, the hostess decides that it`s time for
y`all to go home. Maybe the hostess will say
"Can`t I give you just one more drink (pause) before
(pause) you go." The man of course is ready to more...
God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
And the Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
So he went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are."
So He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Mexicans wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? more...
No Great LossBill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.""No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy.""I`m afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer."What?" asks Clinton, "Isn`t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a more...
Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal
(Jim Mantle, Waterloo Maple Software)
Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals, then it's only a small step to the rest! For example:
As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. I would agree that it would be quite an unusual find, but they might exist.
You've relied on cascading assumptions. For example, you have assumed a uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or Toronto/Cabbagetown, or other yuppie nieghborhoods, have probably less than the average (and don't forget DINK and SINK homes (Double Income No Kids, Single Income No Kids)), while families with 748 starving children that they keep showing on Vision TV while trying to pick my pocket would skew that 15% of homes down a few percent.
You've also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one good kid. What if anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend to have more more...
Neighbor 1: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving."New Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly."Neighbor 1: "So, what is it you do for a living?"New Neighbor: "I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning."Neighbor 1: "Deductive reasoning, what's that?"New Neighbor: "Let me give you an example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."Neighbor 1: "That's right."New Neighbor: "The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family."Neighbor 1: "Right again."New Neighbor: "Since you have a famly, I deduce that you have a wife."Neighbor 1: "Correct."New Neighbor: "And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual."Neighbor 1: "Yup."New Neighbor: "That is deductive reasoning."Neighbor 1: more...
God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.
The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shall not kill."
"Not kill?
We're not interested."
So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
"Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are."
We're not interested.
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said
"Thou shall not steal."
"Not steal?
We're not interested."
Then He went to the French and said, "I have more...
The South Takes a Cue from Oakland Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California andMassachusetts. "Ebonics," a neologism created by combining "Ebony" and "phonics," is supposed to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass.Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called "Bubbonics!" Created from mixing "Bubba"and "phonics," we too have an entirely separate language from English. Like Ebonics, Bubbonics has a slightly different alphabet and different pronunciations from standard English. For example, the English language includes the letter "L" although Bubbonics does not. Likewise, vowel pronunciation in Bubbonics is different from English pronunciation.Take, for example, the following sentences in English, and their translation into Bubbonics:Can I help you? Kin ah hip ewe? Hi, I'm Don Fowler.Hah, ahm Dahn Fah-wah.The discerning English speaker more...