Excellent Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors more...

A man bought a parrot, and for 20 years the bird kept silent, never uttering so much as a word. Every morning the parrot would wake up, stand patiently on its perch, and wait for its owner to come and feed it.

One morning, the man overslept. Using its beak, the parrot pried the cage door open, flew out, and perched on the man's head.

Pecking its owner's nose, the parrot squawked and said, "Excuse me, but it's nearly noon and I'm starved."

The man sat bolt upright, "Polly, you can talk!"

"Of course, I can talk," said the parrot.

"Then why haven't you said anything for 20 years?" asked the man excitedly.

"Because up till now", screeched the bird, "the service has been excellent!"

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it more...

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.No matter what your topcoat is more...

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often
more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find
in the cartoons and comic strips:
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the
family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken
or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table,
pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur
collar.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your more...

Pick A Power Word
The manager of a ladies' dress shop decided it was time to have a serious talk with one of her sales clerks. "Janet, your figures are well below any of our other sales clerks'. I'm sorry to say that unless you can improve your record soon, we will have to let you go."
"I'm sorry, ma'am," Janet humbly replied. "Is there any advice you could give me on how to do better?"
"There is an old trick I can tell you about," the manager said. "It may sound silly, but it has worked for me in the past. Go through a dictionary until you come to a word that has particular power for you. Memorize it and work it into your sales pitch whenever it seems appropriate. You'll be amazed at the results."
Sure enough, Janet's sales figures improved, and at the end of the month the manager called her in again and congratulated her. "Did you try my little trick?" she asked.
"Yes," Janet nodded. "It more...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The d oors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the more...