Excited Jokes / Recent Jokes

TOP15. Some of the myths about marriage... Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says: "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond ear rings. His wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says: "But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping more...

How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have testicles.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why don't men eat more M&M's?
They're too hard to peel.
What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
Gifted.
What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He's breathing.
What do men and bottles of beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares!!!
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men will screw anything!
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know - it's never happened.
Why do more...

How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have testicles.Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.Why don't men eat more M&M's? They're too hard to peel.What do you call a man with an IQ of 50? Gifted.What's a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing.What do men and bottles of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares!!! What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About WomenHow many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Men will screw anything! How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know - it's never happened.Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces? Because they're stupid.How are men and parking spots alike? The good more...

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does.
But then the wife suddenly stops and says "I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me." "WHAT!?" says her husband. The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can’t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth $200 each.
The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn’t care. She goes for the matching tennis bracelet. The husband says "You don’t even play more...

There was a macho type of guy who went to the hardware store and bought a leather tool belt and a lot of tools to go with it. Like any good tool belt it weighed about 100 lbs when fully decked out.
The fella decided to take the belt out for a spin and was working out in his yard when all of a sudden the tool belt ended up around his ankles taking his pants with it. So here is our guy all of a sudden mooning the world bare-assed naked in his back yard.
All of a sudden there is a tremendous clap of thunder and a lightning bolt came down out of the heavens and carved a perfect 5 on each cheek of his posterior. The fella was very excited, but not nearly as excited as his wife who decided that this was a sign from above and proceeded to put their life savings into lottery tickets betting on the number 55.
That evening the drawing was held and you can imagine their excitment when the first number drawn was a 5. Immediately thereafter the last two numbers came out... 0... 5. more...

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, "it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the CEILING, father." "How much did you win?"

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We' ll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don' t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.' The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what more...