Straps Jokes

A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use' boccy' straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said.

Fairfax County police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped... and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.

"The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma." An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.

It's a beautiful spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo.
She's got on a close-fitting, lowcut, pink summer dress with spaghetti straps.
As they walk thru the ape exhibit, and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, he grunts, he pounds his chest.
He is obviously excited at the sight of the young lady in the sundress.
The husband, noticing the apes excitement,
suggests that his wife tease the ape.
The husband suggests that she pucker her lips and wiggle her bottom.
She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited,
making noises that would wake the dead.
Then her husband suggests that she let one of the straps of her dress slip down.
She does and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear down the bars.
Her husband suggests she lift her dress up her thighs and she does.
This about drives Mr. Gorilla crazy.
Then quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, flings her more...

Two Irishmen are standing on the top of a cliff, looking out over a huge
drop to the rocks below.
One turns to the other and says, "OK, Paddy, a pact is a pact. We're
going to do it, right?"
Paddy says, "If you tink we should, Murphy, I'm with you all the way. As
you say, a pact is a pact, but you go first."
Murphy thinks about this for a moment, then says, "But you'll be right
behind me, yes?"
"Oh, yes, Murphy. I'll do it, but I want to watch you first."
"OK then Paddy. I'm going. Goodbye!"
With that, Murphy takes a budgerigar out of his coat pocket, ties some
string around its legs, and straps it firmly onto his head. He steps
forward to the edge of the cliff, and throws himself off.
The budgie flaps its wings like mad, but to no avail. It can't hold the
weight of a thirteen stone Irishman in the air by itself. Murphy falls
splat, and breaks both legs on the rocks.
Paddy more...

It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo.
She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.
He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla.
Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended.)
He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along.
Shedoes, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more more...

What type of Asian are you?
Girls, take this test to find out
Guys, or scroll down. GIRLS 1. On a typical Friday night, you're most likely to be seen at: A) pool hall
B) the mall
C) at home, getting an early start on homework
D) cafe shop
E) your friend's house, having a sleepover 2. Your normal everyday wear is: A) tight shirts, spaghetti straps, baggy jeans, and extra dark lipstick
B) lots and lots of makeup - to impress the guys of course
C) thick glasses, long sun dresses, penny loafers, or sandals
D) high pumps, expensive designer clothes and tons of jewelry
E) college or Mickey Mouse sweatshirts with blue jeans 3. You usually give out your number when: A) almost never, guys get scared off by your mean looks
B) any foine guy happens to ask for it
C) never - you're not supposed to talk to guys
D) there's money floating around him
E) any white guy asks for it 4. When you go to the mall, you: A) give menacing more...