Excited Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tired of boring old dog name like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc? The next time you get a dog, name it: MypenisWhy, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation!-I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it!-Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!-Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis. - I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash. - Mypenis doesn't come when I call it. - Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests. - If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN!-I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn't like cold water. - At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis. - Mypenis likes it when people pet him. - Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!-Playing with Mypenis really wears me out. - Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?-Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active. - I think Mypenis has a mind of its own. - I keep a picture of more...

There was this zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm.
The zebra was so excited, she got out of the horse float to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited, "Hi! I'm a zebra. What are you?"
"I'm a cow," said the cow.
"Right, right, what do you do?"
"I make milk for the farmer."
"Cool."
The zebra then saw this funny looking little white thing and ran over to it. "Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you?"
"I'm a chicken," said the chicken.
"Oh, right, what do you do?"
"I make eggs for the farmer."
"Right, great, see you round."
Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without more...

An excited man calls the fire department and says, "Help me, my house is on fire!!"

The fireman says, "Where do you live?"

The man replies, "I am too excited, I can't tell you the exact address."

The fireman asks, "How do you expect us to get there?"

The man replies, "What do you mean' how'? The big red truck."

There was once a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. For the sake of this story, we'll call him Jack. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the UNIX programmers and Client/Server programmers and website developers, Jack was finally getting some respect. He'd become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions. He was working short-term assignments for prestige companies, traveling all over the world on different assignments. He was working 70 and 80 and even 90 hour weeks, but it was worth it.
Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll on Jack. He had problems sleeping and began having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. It had reached a point where even the thought of the year 2000 made him nearly violent. He must have suffered some sort of breakdown, because all he could think about was how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it.
Jack decided to contact a company more...

Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick. Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted. The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way. Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom. So, Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return r and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find more...

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldnt take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!". "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?" The clerk replies "Canned or frozen?"

The teacher asks, "Jessica, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Jessica blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."

The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
"That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."

"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Jessica and says, "First, you didn't made your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."