Expenses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o. k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?" Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...IN PRISON... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON... You get three meals a day.
AT WORK... You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON... You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.IN PRISON... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON... You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON... You get your own toilet.
AT WORK... You have to share.IN PRISON... They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.IN PRISON... All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK... You get to more...

The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S.
The following are this year's candidates:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74, 000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was more...

Dear Sweetheart:

I can`t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart

Your husband

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month`s milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don`t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart

Labor or Hard Labor.....you decide! In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8`x 10` cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6`x 8`cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. In prison you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside more...