Expenses Jokes / Recent Jokes

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...You get three meals a day. AT WORK... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...You get your own toilet. AT WORK... You have to share.
IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for more...

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON...You get three meals a day. AT WORK... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON...You get your own toilet. AT WORK... You have to share.IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.IN PRISON...You spend most more...

In Prison:
You spend your time in an 8 x 10 cell
At Work:
You spend your time in an 6 x 8 cubicle
In Prison:
You get three free meals a day
At Work:
You get one break for a meal you pay for
In Prison:
A guard locks and unlocks all doors for you
At Work:
You carry a security card, you unlock the doors
In Prison:
You get to watch TV and play games
At Work:
You get fired for watching TV and playing games
In Prison:
You get your own toilet
At Work:
You have to share
In Prison:
Family and friends are allowed to visit
At Work:
You're not allowed to speak to family or friends
In Prison:
Expenses are paid by taxpayers and work is not required
At Work:
You pay to go to work and you get to deduct expenses
on your taxes to pay for prisoners
In Prison:
You look through the bars, hoping to get out
At Work:
You want to get out so you can go inside the bars
In more...

Dearest Girl

I am very happy to inform you that I have feelings for you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 1999. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 1999 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be
shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further more...

Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married.
His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k."
His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?"
Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."

The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S.The following are this year's candidates:1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms. Robertson's son.2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just more...

It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck of New Mexico who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:
7th Place:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
6th Place:
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74, 000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's more...