Explain Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they
> have sex in the dark. Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions,
> during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp -- only to discover
> a cucumber in his hand.
>
> "Is THIS what you've been using on me for the past 5 years!?!"
>
> "Honey, let me explain!"
>
> "Why you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a --"
>
> "Speaking of sneaky!" he interrupted, "maybe you'd care to explain our 3
> kids!!!"

1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor`s door.
4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.
5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn`t. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
7. End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds."
8. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
9. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can`t do the paper because you`re not sure if the more...

The little boy was at his grandmother's, enjoying a little holiday. While playing outside with the neighbourhood children, the little one runs back into the house and asks a question.
'Grandma, what do you call it when two people sleep on top of each other?'
Grandma is dumbfounded. Does she speak the truth or hide it? She decides to explain as best as possible.
'Well sweety, it's called sexual intercourse. Do you want me to explain it to you?'
The grandson says no and runs out to play again.
A moment later, several parents were knocking at the door, enraged and when the grandma opened the door to see so many standing outside, the little boy runs upto her and says
'Grandma, you lied to me. it's called BUNK BEDS!'

This is a homework assignment I received from my English teacher, I just finished it what do you think?

Response should be at least one page double-spaced. Respond thoughtfully.
1. Recall a situation in which you felt controlled by fear. Explain.
From what I remember, I have never really been controlled by fear, I am fearless, real men are not controlled by anyone, or anything but I could have been afraid as a child I do not remember, and to be honest, if I was controlled by fear, I would not admit it to you, ManRib.
Actually here’s a fear, I fear you without clothes, I fear seeing your fat ass camel toe naked, I’m hiding under my pillow just thinking about it.
2. Why do/did you have this fear? What created it? (Speculate if you aren’t sure.)
Why do I have this fear, hmm well every time I see a fat chick where tight jeans, the way you do, I just get this fear, of what if I have to see them naked? Its quite disturbing in my mind, I guess you can blame more...

I went to dinner with my husband, a male friend of ours, Jim, and his new girlfriend, Dorothy.While eating dinner we got on the subject of vacations. Dorothy said that she wanted to go to Gotham City for her next vacation.I tried to explain to her that it wasn't a real place. She laughed and said "It is, too. It's where Batman lives".I laughed and looked over at Jim who smiled and told me she was serious. I then tried to explain. "Batman does not exist. Why do you think there have been three of them: Clooney, Kilmer and Keaton?"She looked me straight in the eye and said, "That's because he doesn't want anyone to know who he really is."

Java Interview attended by our Banta:
Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish, I do not have any objections.
Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.
Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
Q. What is the use of Servlets?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
Q. What is JAR file?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.
Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java more...

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk? ”
Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that’s so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain. Man: Ok, but that’s not so bad.
Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain.
Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over more...