Explanation Jokes

One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"
In answer to his questions, he was told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."
This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"
The man had always given my son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of
ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."
He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime.
Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?"

The "Two Cow Explanation" of what makes...
A Christian Democrat: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A Socialist (or a Canadian New Democrat): You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A Republican (or a Canadian Conservative): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A Democrat (or a Canadian Liberal): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A Fascist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
Democracy, American Style: You have two cows. The more...

Since the world situation is making us all think about how governments, religions and business effect us, this simplified explanation might help us under stand better.
THE "TWO-COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...
A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the more...

Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday.
When he walked into his apartment, however, he found his wife, Jeeto, in bed with another man. Furious, he picked up his bag and stormed out; he met his mother-in-law on the street, told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning.
"Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." the older women pleaded.
Reluctantly, he agreed. An hour later, his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office.
"I knew my daughter would have an explanation," a note of truimph in her voice. "She didn't receive your telegram!"

An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his left leg that doesn't heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain. The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry, but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there's nothing I can do about it." The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! It is illogical! That just can't be!" The doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?" The patient answers, "I'm no doctor, but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all, my right leg feels just fine." "So what?" says the doctor in a bit of a professional huff, "What difference does that more...