FBI Jokes / Recent Jokes

3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview.

The first man walked into the office. The interviewing FBI agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't do it."

The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.

The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 more...

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything wascovered in snow. He looks down and sees somethingwritten in urine on the lawn it reads"I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD". Bill calls the FBI and says "Someone has written "Ihope you get impeached" in urine on my lawn. For themto write it in the spot it's in they would have had tobe on my deck. Please help me find this criminal." The FBI agrees and comes back a week later. "Well Mr. Clinton we did DNA, urine and handwriting tests. Doyou want to here the bad news or the awful news first." Bill sighs "bad I guess"." The urine belongs to Al Gore" Bill grabs his chest "Oh! Al, my best friend my partner, my vice president... What'sthe awful news?!"The FBI agents look at each other..."The hand writing was Hillary's"

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on
GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who introduces the story swears it's true.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for
medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents
had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza
parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping
all conversations at the hospital.
Agent:
Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man:
And where would you like them delivered?
Agent:
We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
PM:
The psychiatric hospital?
Agent:
That's right. I'm an more...

FBI Marksman

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town.
Everywhere he saw the evidence of the most amazing shooting, on trees, on
walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's eyes with the bullet hole
in dead centre.
The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person
responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the
village idiot.
"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen." said the FBI man. "How in
the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles
afterward! !!"
THE GROCERY STORE
The story goes that there was this lady married to a Caucasian. The poor
lady was not very proficient in English but anyhow managed to communicate
with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for
groceries. One day, she went to the butcher's and more...

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, filling everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit! ”