Facility Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen lived next door to each other for over 40 years, and over the years became loving friends. One day Mrs. Murphy came to Mrs. Cohen and said, "This house is becoming to much for us, let's sell it and each move into a home for the aged.

Each went to a home of their respective religions, and were soon placed.

Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, and one day asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend Mrs. Cohen. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said "So how do you like it here?"

Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the care takers. She then said, "You know the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."

Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful. Tell me what you do."

Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room, and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch more...

10. He's married and says he's gonna leave his wife. Liar! What other bitch would be stupid enough to cook for him.
9. He's a one nighter and rolls over after all is said and done and says, "What are you doing tonight. I have a date, her name is Sonya. We met over the internet."
8. He is a taxi driver who tells you his lady is crazy because she wants anal sex. The only one thats crazy is her for listening.
7. He's a millionaire who retired at 34 and tells you your friends sound like white trash. White trash, show some respect. Who else are your peeps gonna friend in rehab.
6. You are dating a drug dealer. But hey, at least this one has a job.
5. He says he lives in a sober facility and you think that is so sexy.
4. He not only lives in a sober facility but is a disgruntled Jew. His exact words, "My people worship the almighty dollar." Shut the hell up you little turd. Some people had to suck dick for those drugs. You at least had the trust more...

THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?
For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a spouse, perhaps a sibling - is technologically impaired and should no longer be allowed to live independently, or come near a computer or electronic device without direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved one into the care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But you have questions. So many questions.
We at Silicon Pines want to help.
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?
Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm," "Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on assisted living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential environment for those unable to handle even the most more...

You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.