Fair Jokes / Recent Jokes
Via AP news
A student was arrested for uploading a video on YouTube about how to make a remote control bomb using a toy remote.
Ironically, my family had to talk me out of making a remote controlled bomb for my 8th grade science fair. I was disgruntled from my 7th grade science fair where I made a “Light Sensory Burglar Alarm System” that wasn’t even considered for a prize. Meanwhile, my friend's “Simpson Quiz Game” (which I had to help him with) got 2nd place. When I asked my science professor what he thought of my project he said, “Very good… did your dad help you with that?” I wanted to punch him in the face.
Admittedly, my bomb wouldn’t have hurt anyone.. you press the button.. a little smoke comes out.. then a sign pops up that says, “No, my dad did not help me with this.”
It was then that I decided to give up on the education system and just tell jokes… true story.
Ole and Lena went to a fair. Ole was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes, " replied the pilot. "That's too much, " said Ole. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to Ole, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so, " said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
[Noted in HARVARD MAGAZINE, September/October 1990.]
Conservative Member of Parliament Geoffrey Dickens tells of attending a fair
in his constituency and being followed around by a sweet but exceptionally
ugly woman whom he couldn't get rid of.
A few days later he got an admiring letter from her asking for his
photograph, and signed, after her name, "(Horseface)."
Dickens was touched by her humorous modesty and sent off a picture
autographed, "To Horseface, with best wishes, Geoffrey Dickens."
Some time later his secretary asked him, "Did you get that letter from the
woman at the fair? I wrote 'Horseface' after her name so you'd know which
one she was."
A 5th grade class was putting on a school play about the Knights of the Roundtable. One little boy was very timid, so the teacher asked him to be responsible for saying just one line in the play. He was to go up to a young girl dressed as a fair maiden and say, "Oh, fair young damsel, I've come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The boy practiced the line for hours on end to make sure he would say it perfectly.
But, the night the play was done for the school children and all the parents, the boy became extremely nervous. When the play got to his line, it came out, "Oh, damn young fairsel, I've come to kiss your snatch and fill your hole with soap!"
Turnaround is fair play
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!?!"