Fair Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were 3 women, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.
All three work together. Each day their boss leaves an hour earlier, while the 3 stay and clean up.
One day when the boss had gone the brunette lady said “It’s not fair we shouldn’t stay an hour longer, lets go. ”
So they left.
The next day they all said what they did.
“I had a romantic dinner with my husband, ” said the brunette lady.
“I went to the beach with my boyfriend, ” said the red haired lady.
And the blonde said, “I nearly got caught by the boss, because I went home and she was in the shower with my husband, so I quickly went out of the house! ”

A redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money!

If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

Three ducks were to begin migrating south for the winter. The first duck tells the other two ducks that it is the same boring trip every year, so to spice it up, he suggested a little contest. While flying south, the duck that bombs the most people will be the winner. So the first duck flies away and happens upon a county fair. He flies over the crowd of people and drops a load of shit, hitting five people. The second duck flies upon a carnival and he too drops a load of shit, hitting eight people. The third duck flies over a crowd of people, but before he could drop his load he feels and sees something pink stuck in his ass. As the three ducks meet at the South Pole, the first duck brags he hit five people at a county fair. The second duck brags he hit eight people at a carnival. The third duck said,"Just my damn luck, I had to fly over a paintball tournament!"

One day, a genie was in a remarkably good mood, so he decided to go around the world, granting people their fondest wishes.First, he came to London, where he saw a very sad-looking Englishman. He said to the man, "I am a genie. Tell me what you want most, and I will grant it to you."The Englishman said, "My cousin Nigel has the most beautiful mansion you ever saw, but I don't even have a house at all. It's not fair! I'm just as good as he is! Why should HE have such a beautiful house and not me? Well, I want you to give me a house even bigger than Nigel's."The genie snapped his fingers, and the house appeared magically. The Englishman was delighted.Next, the genie went to Paris, where he saw a sad Frenchman. The genie asked the Frenchman what he wanted most. The Frenchman said, "My cousin Pierre has the most beautiful wife you ever saw, but I don't have a wife at all. It's not fair!
Why should HE have a beautiful wife and not me? I want you to give me a more...

As an investigator for the Fantasy Beings' Fair Housing Commission, Ferdinand Feghoot was assigned to look into complaints that the town of Donnybrook was systematically excluding the fictive.

The Mayor of Donnybrook was indignant.' That's nonsense!' he fumed.' Why, we have several families of Hobbits living here, the principal of our high school is an Elf, and one of our aldermen is an Orc.'

Feghoot shook his head sadly.' That,' he replied,' is only. . . Tolkien integration.'

(By Alan Follett based on a character by Richard Bretner)

posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six
> o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the
> Clifton
> Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below.
>
> Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!"
> to
> which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't." So they
> shake
> hands on the bet and continue watching.
>
> Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud.
> Beckham
> takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh. But she
> refuses.
> "I
> can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was cheating.
> I
> saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."
>
> "No, babe, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and
> square. I
> was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news, too. more...

Santa took a trip to Sydney, Australia. While in a bar, an Autralian on the next stool, spoke to our Santa in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Yeah, that sounds pretty fair and exciting too," said Santa.
The Australian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
Santa scratched his head and finally, when he was tired of thinking, said, "I give up. Who was it?"
"It was me," chortled the Australian.
So Santa paid for the drinks.
Back in Ludhiana Santa went into the bar and spotted Banta, "Hey Banta," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me one. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Banta.
Ok...my parents had more...