Falling Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:' Holy Smoke! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? more...

A woman who worked at the United Nations’ Secretariat Building died Sunday after falling or jumping from the 19th floor.

The official cause of death is under investigation, but police suspect gravity.

A man walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He looks down the bar and sees another piss drunk man keep falling off his stool. The man finishes his drink watching the other man try to get back up on the stool.

Feeling sorry for the drunk, the man tries to stand him up, but the drunk keeps falling. The man thinks that this drunk needs to be taken home, so he finds his address in his wallet. On the way to his car, the man had to practically carry the drunk man.

After finally finding his house, the man carries the drunk man to the front door. He rings the doorbell and a lady answers. "Ma`am, your husband is drunk, so I decided to give him a lift home."

The woman replies, "Thank you sir, but I have one question... Where`s his wheelchair?"

Some great tips on love and relationships by kids between the age of 5 and 10...
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to havevideos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deoderantare so popular." (Jan, 9)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
(Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is more...

A truck driver was doing a cross country haul
and he hated [ethnics] with a passion. Every time
he saw an [ethnic] hitch hiking he would swerve
off the road and hit them.
This had gone on
for about 7 or 8 hours when he saw a pastor
hitch hiking. He had to pick him up but he
wondered what he would do about the blood, he
decided to not to make conversation of it and
picked up the pastor. Luckily enough the
pastor didn't seem to notice.
About 20 minutes
later the truck driver spotted another
hitch hiker and thought "Maybe if I act
like I'm falling asleep at the wheel I can
swerve off the road and hit him".
So he then
proceded to act like he was falling asleep
and swerve off the road. Two seconds later
he heard a loud thump and looked up excitedly
and said Did I get 'em!"
The pastor looked
up and said "No my son,
but I got him with the door."

A ranger outfit was having training in mountain climbing. One of the men slipped and began falling into a precipice."Are you hurt?" asked another."I don't know yet," a weak voice was heard, "am still falling!"