Fantasy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Age FAVORITE FANTASY 17 tall, dark and handsome 25 tall, dark and handsome with money 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48 a man with hair 66 a man

NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg called the House plan to deport 11 million illegal immigrants "pure fantasy." He added, "And when I say fantasy, I mean that I pleasure myself to that image every day."

This article appeared in today's edition of the Toronto Sun. The "TTC" is the Toronto Transit Commission, and we usually refer to our subway trains as "the rocket".
SIZZLIN' HOTLINE DOUSED BY TTC
Whip them. Spank them. Make them ride the rocket in boy scout uniforms.
Beaten, but not bowed, transit officials say it took them no more than a day to realize a wrong number on one of their pamphlets connected riders to a well-travelled sex dominatrix.
TTC spokesman Christine Burkett said yesterday that the "Rocket Rider" guides were stripped from local transit vehicles last Monday after the number for a Spanish-language transit hotline turned out to be that for a local house of domination.
"It was a case of a typo not being caught," Burkett said. "Few noticed, but this woman was probably pretty pleased with the business you brought her," Burkett said of a Sun story which told the naughty tale of the snafu. With the fifth more...

Women's Lifestyles Through the Ages
AGE... DRINK
17... Winecoolers
25... White wine
35... Red wine
48... Dom Perignon
66... Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17... Need to wash my hair
25... Need to wash and condition my hair
35... Need to color my hair
48... Need to have Francois color my hair
66... Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping
FAVORITE DRUG
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17... "Burger King"
25... "Free meal"
35... "A diamond"
48... "A bigger diamond"
66... "Home Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
17... tall, dark and handsome
25... tall, dark and handsome with money
35... tall, dark and handsome with money and a more...

For the Male...

AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 bourbon
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox

AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.

AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping

AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."

AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 getting to third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trios
48 taking the company public
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17

AGE IDEAL more...

A rich business executive sees an ad in the Wall Street Journal for the world's fastest and most expensive car, the Tri-Turbo Convertible Fantasy. It costs over $1 million.

The mogul decides that he must have it, and assigns half adozen assistants to track the car down for him. After months of searching, the car is found, bought, and delivered. Eager to play with his new toy, the executive takes it for a spin.

At the first stop light, an old man rides up next to the Fantasy on an old Vespa. Without an invitation, the old man sticks his head in the car and says, "Quite a ride you got here - how fast will she go?"

"About 270," answers the executive.

"No way," says the old man.

Just then, the light turns green and the executive decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and within seconds the car is doing 270.

But suddenly, he notices in his rear view mirror a dot that more...

The Difference...
Women have more imagination than men do. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say. Everything they do.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The Style...
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
The Workplace...
When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinions, she's a bitch.
Women are the only exploited group in history who has been idealized into powerlessness.
Relationships...
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs more...