Faucet Jokes

Waiter, waiter! There's a maggot in my salad.
Don't worry, he won't live long in that stuff.
Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my salad.
Yes sir, the chef's using Webb lettuces today.
Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Don't worry sir, the spider in your salad will eat it"
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
How do you repair a broken tomato?
Tomato Paste! (submitted by Laynie)
Why did the boy close the refrigerator door?
He didn't want to see the salad dressing!
A faucet, lettuce and a tomato were in a race... what happened?
The faucet was running, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
What kind of lettuce did they serve on The Titanic?
Iceberg!
Q: What do you call a spider who makes salad?
A: A salad spinner.
Q. What is the most romantic fruit salad?
A. A date with a peach.
Waiter, what is bug doing in my more...

Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot.
At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, (the manager) to finish waiting on a customer. When Walt was finished, Mary asked, "How much for that faucet?"
Walt replied, "That's pewter and it costs $300."
"My goodness that sure is a lot," Mary exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it. From the back room Walt yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
Mary replied, "No, but I will for the faucet."
This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot.

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $150.
The neurosurgeon exclaimed,' I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon."
The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"