Leaking Jokes

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?"
A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.
One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the more...

It was the end of the school year and the students were giving their teacher gifts. Since she knew the professions of the kids' parents, she would guess what they got her.
When the daughter of a florist gave her a box, she held it over her head and shook it. "Let's see, are they flowers?" the teacher asked. "Wow, how did you know?" asked the little girl.
Next, the son of a candy shop owner gave her a box which she again held over her head. "Would it be candy?" asked the teacher. "How'd you know?" the boy asked.
Then the liquor store owner's son, Johnny, came and the teacher could see that the box was leaking. She put her finger where it was leaking and tasted it, "Is it wine?" asked the teacher. "Nope," said Johnny.
Again she tasted it and asked, "Is it Vodka?"
Smiling, Johnny replied, "Nope. It's a puppy!"

A teacher was retiring after 30 years of teaching, so each child
decided they wanted to bring her a special retirement present. A
little girl who was the daughter of a fine chocolate dealer brought
her a box full of fine chocolates.

A little boy who was the son of a florist brought her a big bouquet
of flowers. Another little boy who was the son of a fine liquor dealer
brought her a big box that was sealed, and it had something leaking
from the bottom of the box. The teacher said, "I bet I know what this is!"

She tasted some of the juices that were leaking from the box and said,
"I bet this is some wine!"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She tasted it again and said "Liquor?"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She tasted it again and said, "Beer?"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She said, "Well what is more...

On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window more...

On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured more...