Fluid Jokes

It is recounted that at King's College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year's rounds by teaching "a singularly important principle of medicine."
He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. "Diabetes," he said, "is a greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic..."
By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The more...

15) Best make-up artist in the world, but your models never make the cover of Cosmo.

14) No moth, no Jodie Foster -- just leaves, dirt, and regular dead folks.

13) Only three hits this month on the "World O' Coffins" web site.

12) Tough to convince anyone to let you place bodies in action poses.

11) Ask any chem prof what happens when you mix embalming fluid and breast implants... WHAMMO!

10) Working alone late at night inevitably results in an extreme attack of "the willies."

9) Hard to close the lid on Eroto-Asphyxiation victims.

8) Embalming fluid bottle looks an *awful* lot like Colt 45 bottle.

7) Toe tag paper cuts.

6) The wife keeps asking if you could bring a little more rigor mortis home, if you know what I mean.

5) Nobody visits your booth at junior high "Career Days."

4) Every time Keith Richards gets mistakenly hauled in, it more...

Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3.95 The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetryin which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes andbold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably GreenEggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower WithMommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under thepseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freudin a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two youngchildren understand their own frustrated sexuality.The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through thewindow of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, alarge tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, tauntingthe children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexualyearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to themost unlearned reader, the blatant references to theincestuous relationship the two share more...

15 Pet Peeves Of Morticians... Best make-up artist in the world, but your models never make the cover of Cosmo. No moth, no Jodie Foster -- just leaves, dirt, and regular dead folks. Only 3 hits this month on the "World O' Coffins" web site. Tough to convince anyone to let you place bodies in action poses. Ask any chem prof what happens when you mix embalming fluid and breast implants... WHAMMO! Working alone late at night inevitably results in an extreme attack of "the willies." Hard to close the lid on Eroto-Asphyxiation victims. Embalming fluid bottle looks an *awful* lot like Colt 45 bottle. Toe tag paper cuts. The wife keeps asking if you could bring a little more rigor mortis home, if you know what I mean. Nobody visits your booth at junior high "Career Days." Every time Keith Richards gets mistakenly hauled in, it costs *us* money. At Thanksgiving, no one even TOUCHES your giblet gravy. Constant complaints of, "But he looks like Michael more...

It is recounted that at King's College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year's rounds by teaching "a singularly important principle of medicine." He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. "Diabetes," he said, "is a Greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic..."By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The sample more...