Feeling Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman was not feeling well. So she visited her doctor.
The good doctor, after giving her a thorough examination, said grimly,
"Mrs Goode, I am sorry to have to say this, but if you want to get well again you would have to lose a foot."
"What!?! You mean my foot has to be amputated?"
"Oh, no, no..." replied the good doctor, "I mean you have to lose a foot from around your waistline!"
(adapted from Born Loser's comic strip)
A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, "Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas".
"I'm feeling so ashamed of the way we live," a wife said to her husband, who preferred to spend his time laying on the couch watching TV, rather than finding a job. "My father pays our mortgage, my mother buys all of our groceries for us, my sister buys us our clothes, my uncle bought us a car. I'm feeling so ashamed."
The husband raised his head and replied, "Well, you should feel ashamed. Those three worthless brothers of yours never even give us a cent!"
For those of us getting along in years, here is a little secret for building your arm and shoulder muscles. You might want to adopt this regimen! Three days a week works well. Begin by standing outside behind the house, with a 5-LB. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can, if you can reach a full minute, relax. You may start feeling the exercise work with a little pain. After a few weeks, move up to 10-LB. potato sacks After you have master the 10lb sacks move up to the 50-LB. potato sacks. You should start feeling stronger. Then move up to the 100 lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Next, start adding a couple of potatoes in each of the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it at this level.
Seven dwarfs in a bath all feeling happy.
Happy gets out so they all feel grumpy.
A blonde was walking past a schoolyard during recess when she saw a young girl standing all alone on one end of the soccer field, while the other children all played a game of soccer. Feeling sorry for the poor child, she went up to the girl and made small talk.
She asked the little girl if she was OK.
The little girl replied she was fine.
The blonde then said, "Why don't you go play with the other children?"
The little girl replied, "I already am."
The blonde, a bit annoyed said, "What do you mean, you already am?"
The girl replied, "I am playing."
The blonde, thinking the girl was lying so she wouldnt be embarassed, said, "Wanna be friends?"
The girl hesitated, then reluctantly said Sure.
The blonde, feeling she made progress, says, "Would you like to go play in the sandbox?"
The girl replies, "Sure... after I'm done playing soccer. I'm the goalie."
Bill Gates: Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates: Have you installed Windows at home?
Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house. Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates(Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A. P.
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I more...