Feeling Jokes / Recent Jokes

Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, when he heard a loud voice ask him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to, and he was feeling very lonely. Then the loud voice said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. The voice continued, saying; "this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed." Adam thought that sounded great, so he asked "What would a woman like this cost me??" The voice answered, "an arm and a leg." Adam thought about that for a moment. He thought that would be a pretty high price to pay, so he then more...

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a
fool at the other.

2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are
more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage: It`s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of
either".

6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by
feminine water-power...

9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference more...

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS." "What is HAGS" the man asks. "It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis" says the doctor. "Oh my God" says the man. "What are you going to do?" "We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza." "Is that going to help me" says the man. "No" says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door"

I always get the feeling that when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking:THAT is why I'm not a hetrosexual.'

A Tale of Two Christmases
by Jim Smith
It is the worst of times. It is the best of times.
The Christmas you have depends upon you.
May you be blessed to follow the Light and choose the right.
A Christmas Poem
C is for Credit Cards that make buying a breeze.
H is for your Headache when your cards are seized.
R is for Remembering everyone on your list.
I is for feeling Insulted when your gifts are dissed.
S is for feeling Stressed when you’re on the fly.
T is for the Truckloads of presents that you buy.
M is for your Massive debt that soars into the sky.
A is for the Awful feeling that you’ve gone astray.
S is for your Sorrow and the tears you’ll shed today.
The True Christmas Poem
C is for the Christ child lying in a manager.
H is for the Holy One who saved us all from danger.
R is to Remember Him who died that we may live.
I is to Inspire us that we may always give.
S is for more...

There`s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say `Thank God` to make it go and `Amen` to make it stop."
Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."
So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, more...

No more about Elvis, OK? ThankyouverymuchI believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creaturesThe meaning of life is a feeling. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. Good writing means taking the effort out of the reading A confident manner is important: Computers can sense this!Tattoo: a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling.Insomnia is a nightmare. To a worm, digging in the hard ground is more relaxing than going fishing.An alarming number of people suffer from seriousness. A man's life is spent between episodes of women being mad at him.. Sometimes it's more important to do it than to do it right. A wishbone has never taken the place of a backbone.Time isn’t money. . . it’s more valuable than that.