Fence Jokes / Recent Jokes

Saint Peter was having a slow day at the Pearly Gates so he took a little stroll. He noticed that the fence between heaven and hell was in need of some repair. So he hollers over the fence to Lucifer.Saint Peter: "This fence needs some repair. I'll see to it that it gets fixed if you will help pay for it."Lucifer: "If you want it fixed, you pay for it." Saint Peter: "The fence is partly your responsibility and you will help pay for it or I will sue you for that amount."Lucifer: "Ha! And where do you think you are going to get a lawyer?!"

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifertakes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and get's her headstuck. The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to theother:"This is too good to pass up," gets off his horse, unzips his pants and starts fucking the shit out of this heifer for at least ten minutes. When he finally finished he looked up to his partner and asked him if he wants some of it. His partner replied "hell yes that looks pretty good", climbs down off his horse drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

A big-city lawyer, from Washington, D. C., went duck hunting in the South Carolina Low country. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell in to a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in South Carolina. Down here we settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "A Three Kick Rule. What is the Three-Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you more...

A man walks into a Pharmacy and says to the beautiful female teller, "Umm... err, I've never purchased condoms before, and I don't know what size to buy."
"That's okay. You can test your size on the fence out in back."
So the man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as he prepares to stick his penis in the first hole, the beautiful teller sneaks over to the other side of the fence. The man sticks his penis through the first hole where it is gently caressed by the teller. Then he pulls it it out and sticks it through the second hole where the teller begins to suck his penis and give him a blow job. Then, finally, he pulls it out and sticks it in the third hole. The teller takes her vagina, wraps it around his penis, and begins to hump it. She quickly pulls up her pants and scurries back inside where the man is begining to stumble back in.
She starts to giggle and says, "Have you decided on the appropriate size?"
"Screw the more...

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"

He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.

His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.

He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

I stopped a drunk driver, and asked him to walk the white line. He said I`m not drunk. I'll walk that wire fence over there. I said ok, and he climbed onto the fence took a couple steps, and fell inside the fence. A large bull with huge horns butted him, he grabbed the horns, and they went around for several minutes. The bull finally threw him into the road, and he got up looked at me and said, "See I told you I wasn't drunk if I was I would have taken that bicycle away from that fellow".