Fido Jokes / Recent Jokes

Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."
George replied, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."
It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog.
Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.
Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido.
Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.
Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.
Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance.
The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, more...

Police office George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said "Damn, I was running late this morning and forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."
George replied "We don't have to go back, just give Fido, my trusty police dog, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."
It was a hot day, and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog.
Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.
Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido.
Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.
Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.
Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance.
The sirens get louder and louder.
Suddenly, followed by a more...

Just after the maid had been fired. She took five bucks from her purse, she threw it to Fido, the family dog.

When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the first semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents had given him for school.Then he gets an idea. He calls his Redneck father. "Dad," he says," you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!""That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?""Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."So, his father sends the dog and the $1000.About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again."So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks."Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to more...

Suppose you have a professor hold up two apples and asks a class "How many objects am I holding?" you would probably get different responses from different majors like...
Business: Two Juicy, delious apples that are on sale at my store.
Chemistry: 6x10^30 apple molecules
History: You are holding dinosaur poop
Music: You are holding two objects that if you drop them you will get a D4
Education: Two Apples
Accounting: You are holding one apple because the other one has to go to the government as tax
Psycology: What objects?
Math: You are holding two sets of objects, that take up a finite amount of space called apples.
English: You are holding two lush pieces of fruit, that are nourishing and remind me of my dog Fido. Fido thy sweet fruit. So nourshing in my time of need, you fill me up with...
Art: Two apples (Ha, Ha...Thank goodness for photoshop. The perfect oportunity to take a picture of the professor and alter the picture so that I more...