Fifteen Jokes / Recent Jokes

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. Santa replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" Santa tells him that they aren`t for a room, they are for his computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!" Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........ I`ve got Windows!"

A guy has a horny parrot. It’s terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, and the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.
The vet examines the bird extensively, says, “Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine. ”
The guy’s parrot is listening and says, “Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for? ”
Finally, the guy says “All right” and hands over the fifteen dollars.
The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain.
Suddenly, “Kwah! Kwah! Kwah! ” The cage starts shaking and feathers come flying out.
The vet says, “Holy gee, ” and runs across the room and opens the curtain.
The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. With the other claw he’s pulling out all her feathers. He’s more...

Santa enters a store that sell curtains. He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. Santa replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" Santa tells him that they aren`t for a room, they are for his computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!" Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........ I`ve got Windows!"

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises.' 'I'm afraid not, sir,'' the clerk told him,' 'but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.''

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read,' 'Manicures - 25 cents.''' 'Why not?'' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read,' 'This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away more...

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.
Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents." "Why not?" thought the salesman.
He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What more...

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Santa tells him that they aren`t for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........ I`ve got Windows!"