File Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

The file you need
might be very useful.
But now it is gone

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, reboot.
Order shall return.

Wind catches lily,
scattering petals to the ground.
Segmentation fault.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
File not found.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

No keyboard present.
Press F1 to continue.
Zen more...

John Bobbit Virus-
Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
•Oprah Winfrey Virus-
Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
•Politically Correct Virus-
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
•Right to Life Virus-
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
•Government Economist Virus-
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
•Federal Bureaucrat Virus-
Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
•AT&T Virus-
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are more...

Java Interview attended by our Banta:
Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish, I do not have any objections.
Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.
Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
Q. What is the use of Servlets?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
Q. What is JAR file?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.
Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java more...

John Bobbit Virus-Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
Oprah Winfrey Virus-Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
Politically Correct Virus-Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
Right to Life Virus-Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Government Economist Virus-Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus-Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
AT&T Virus-Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are more...

While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec. bat file. He said it said "File not found". I told him to do a dir. I asked him if he saw autoexec. bat listed. He said, "Well it says autoexec, then there's some spaces, but no dot, and then it says bat." I said type this in "type autoexec. bat". Again he got "File not found". I asked him to tell me exactly what he typed. He said, "I typed just what you told me: `type autoexecdotbat'.

Economic computer virusesINTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until next election. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine. MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS - Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened. MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in "self-defense." CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. MULTINATIONAL more...

Husband is a Software Professional!!
Husband: Good evening dear, I am now logged in.
Wife: Have you brought the ring?
Husband: Bad command or File name.
Wife: But I told in the mornin.......
Husband: Erroneous Syntax, Abort?
Wife: What about your salary?
Husband: File in use.
Wife: What about my new saree?
Husband: Variable not found.
Wife: At least give me your credit card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband: Sharing Violation, Access Denied.
Wife: Do you love me or do you only like computers or are you just being funny?
Husband: Too many parameters.
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married a stupid guy like you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife: You are a useless nut.
Husband: It is by default.
Wife: By the way who was in the car this morning?
Husband: System is unstable. Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot.