Filed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some people divorce for good reasons, some for bad. Then there are people who divorce for these reasons:
A man from Conneticut filed for divorce because his wife left him a note on the refrigerator that read "I won't be home when you return from work. Have gone to the bridge club. There'll be a recipe for your dinner at seven o'clock on Channel 2."
A housewife filed for divorce on the grounds that her husband was having an affair. The woman became suspicious when every time the phone rang, her myna bird spouted things like "Divorce," "I love you" and "Be patient."

Bush legal team sues Santa Claus
By S. Artist Reuters
AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking more...

-That comment about Elton being "twice the woman" she ever was.
-Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women.
-Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.
-Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he takes down his pants...
-Would rather end up like Nicole Kidman than Nicole SIMPSON.
-Overheard 5-year-old daughter shouting, "Faggot!" while watching "Mr. Rogers".
-Recently overtaken by a strange and unfamiliar compulsion to live past the age of 35.
-I mean come on, people... the dude LOST TO STEELY DAN!!!
-Thanks to a recent surgery, her head's no longer implanted deep within her own rectum.
...And The Top Reason Eminem's Wife Filed For Divorce...
-Sick of dating a rich, famous, abusive bastard. Would like to try a poor, unknown abusive bastard for a change.