Film Jokes / Recent Jokes
An American tourist arrives in India; it is his first visit to the country. He hires a cab for the day to take him round the city. Outside a bakery, he espies a big mob jostling, pushing, everyone trying to get in at the same time.' What is going on?' he asks the Sikh taxi driver.
The sardar/ir is very patriotic and does not wish the foreigner to have an unfavourable impression of his country.' They are shooting a film,' he replies blandly.
A little later they come to a yet greater mob of people outside a ration shop selling wheat and cooking oil. Jostling, pushing, everyone trying to get in at the same time.' What's going on here?' demands the American.
'It's the same film; part second,' replies the sardar//^ and drives on.
A third mob outside the kerosene oil depot. Men, women and children banging their tin cans, raising a hell of a shinding. And what's going on here?' asks the visitor.
'Same film; part three,' replied the sardar//.
'Say, what kind of more...
Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?...... Its not because of the films content, its because the people in the film are eating better than the people on board.
For long, India's colonial rulers divided the country's population by the numbers. And as current-day politicians continue with that unholy task, we present a shortcut to make their work easier. Here's distinguishing India's different cultures by the numbers: MALAYALEES One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop.
Two Malayalees is a boat race.
Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.
Four Malayalees is an oilslick. TAMILIANS
One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler.
Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad.
Three Tamilians is a classical music school.
Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club. ANDHRAITES
One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver.
Two Andhraites is a spice shop.
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry. BENGALIS
One Bengali is a rosagulla shop.
Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie.
Three Bengalis is a Mohun Bagan support group.
Four Bengalis is a Marxist more...
Steven Spielberg's smash hit dinosaur flick "Jurassic Park" is the latest victim of the Telugu film industry's remake factory. The blockbuster special-effects extravaganza is being re-made for a Telugu audience, and the script will undergo some modification to appeal to the discerning Telugu movie go-er.
"What is there in Spielberg or George Lucas? They make good films, but our film will be better than the original. We are using Indian values to add some interest value." said someone named Rao.
Reports reveal that the main story line will involve a dinosaur whose mother is kidnapped by smugglers. The dinosaur then sets off on a long journey to rescue her, discovers that the kidnappers had killed his father over the issue of some merchandising rights, and gets his revenge by blowing up a few helicopters. On the way, he meets and falls in love with a girl dinosaur with big breasts and garish clothes, and marries her at the end of the film. more...
Photographing a new puppy isn't as easy as it may first sound...
Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
Call spouse to clean up more...
Q: How many Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 15-One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it, one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude that a) it was tampered with and b) it proves that the first screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed, three tramps to walk across the room an hour later, one to insist LBJ really screwed the bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being disinformation specialists.
Herewith is a compendium of movie clichés, stereotypes, obligatory scenes, hackneyed formulas, shopworn conventions and outdated archetypes. The author says that as you go to enough different movies, you start to notice things. Like how every time there's a chase scene in an exotic locale, a fruit cart gets overturned. Or how whenever the hero knocks out a Nazi sentry and puts on his uniform, the uniform is a perfect fit. Or how there are plots that would be over in five minutes, if all characters weren't idiots. Actress Inferior Position - In movie sex scenes, which are usually directed by men, the POV (Point of View) at the moment of climax is almost always the man's, so that we see the actress, not the actor, losing control. AC-WAT-NOBI Movie - A Cop With A Theory No One Believes In. Against All Odds Rule - In an apparently fatal situation from which there is no possible hope of survival, it is certain the characters will survive. In a situation where there is any apparent chance more...